Once when we were in a family crisis, my Dad was here caring and sharing the pain. He said, "It doesn't seem like the sun should still shine, does it?" but somehow it still did. Now Dad is dying, they've called in hospice and unless God intervenes and miraculously heals him, we don't have long left with him before he goes home to heaven. This is somehow so much more difficult even than that other crisis and yet the sun does still shine, and our days still unfold in front of us with everyday details much the same. The children run and play and the household chores still need to be done.
But my heart balks and rebels and the first thought on waking is a thought of grief and many thoughts thereafter. Everything reminds me of him. His life is so intertwined with ours. I gave him a haircut last night and he wanted it short - wish I could have just cut a little so I could do it again, soon. I wondered why he wanted it so short around the ears - is he thinking he might not have another one?
I took the children to the park today for nature study and for a few minutes forgot the pain and just drew and wrote in my nature journal and watched the children laugh and chase the geese and toss pieces of pancake to the gulls.
I guess having to keep going is a mercy, there are still sunrises and sunsets, geese and gulls at the park, children laughing and playing to ease the pain and help pass the time. And one of these days, when we've finished our work here and watched our final sunset, the rest of our heart will follow the part that has gone ahead home with Dad, and we'll join him in heaven where there is no night and no more tears!